Baby Weig

You may not know the story of how my son was born, but it was less than ideal. He was measuring small and wasn't moving a ton, so I began going in for weekly growth checks. Looking back on that pregnancy, I knew something was wrong in my gut a little over half way through. I just couldn't shake the uneasiness. Before leaving town to go to my parents for Christmas, I ran in to do one last growth check on my own, without Erron. Keep in mind this is NOT my OB's office who I LOVE...This is a different doctor, very different personality. I am emotional, female, and pregnant. He... is none of those things. But he IS good at his job...minus the talking to pregnant, highly emotional women part. It was at this checkup the Dr. leaves the room after the ultrasound, comes back a few minutes later and procedes to tell me, as if he were rattling off his lunch order, that I was being admited immediatly, and they would take Shepherd by C-section in 2 days because he was breech and wouldn't survive labor anyway. I was 32 weeks.

I remember standing there, alone, not fully comprehending what I was hearing. I asked the Dr. to "please repeat everything you just said to me" and he sighed! And then said the exact same thing, in the same tone, word for word. Flash forward a year and a half, we have a healthy, beautiful boy. But I will never forget that moment, and the panic associated with that office.

Little Man, few days old.

Which brings me to this pregnancy. I already felt nervous about this go-round because the last one was so unusual. Doctors assured me it was probably a fluke deal but I am to be watched much more closely this time around, just in case. Also, my OB said I should do the 12 week ultrasound so they could get early measurements on the charts. I did the 12 week ultrasound and screening with Shep mostly because I didn't know I could refuse it. Sono was great, blood test came back with all my chromosome abnormality risks in 1/10,000s or something crazy. So silly to me, I don't even remember the numbers. We are not in the same boat now.

Last Friday I was 13 weeks and Erron and I were super excited for this ultrasound because we were able to find out Shep's gender this early last time. However, once we stepped off the elevator all that anxiousness came flooding back. Ladies don't ever go do these things alone. Bring your hubby, your mom, your best friend, you need someone to share your joy with OR someone to hold your hand when you feel like your world might cave in. Anyway, I mentioned to Erron how anxious I felt coming back to this place, my last memory of it being so overwhelming and scary. Soon we are watching baby #2 bounce around on the TV and we were thrilled! The doctor is checking off all the measurements, arms, neck, sort of, the baby is in a tough position......brain, heart...we are feeling good. Then she asks me to empty my bladder and she'll look for gender when I get back. That was red flag #1. It's 13 weeks, I'll get seen by them every month, why would she care about the gender this early? I knew this in my head, Erron did too, but I skipped off to the bathroom telling myself that she was being so accommodating to us! When I returned, she spent more time searching the head until I finally asked, "Did everything turn out ok with the neck?" She puts down the sono wand thing..and says "Actually there's a little more fluid back there than we'd like to see." Panic. Immediately. Instant tears. I'd like to think I can keep it together in most difficult situations (I'm probably giving myself WAY too much credit already) but I've decided that when you're pregnant, and there's potentially something wrong with that precious little person inside of you and you can do NOTHING about it...all that strength and composure you thought you had? It goes out the window.

So, to wrap this up...this is were sit in our situation as of now. The blood screen came back with pretty high odds of possible Downs Syndrome. The doctors we've talked to are optimistic, it is a screen after all, not diagnostic, but to us, they are much, much higher than odds we'd like. Does it change how much we love this baby? Never, not one bit. Am I afraid? I'm ashamed to admit that yes, I'm heartbroken and scared. But if I can separate myself from the situation a little, I think I'm MOSTLY afraid of what I don't know. What I DO know, is that this baby is fearfully and wonderfully made. I believe that with all my heart, and no matter the outcome, this sweet baby is a gift from God, perfectly designed. And Erron and I will be head over heels for this little person the minute we meet them. Shoot, we already are! But, we feel the need to be prepared...and thankfully Texas offers a non invasive test that helps us do that. We have already decided we will do no testing that puts this pregnancy at risk, so this non-invasive Maternity 21 test is our route. By searching out extra 21 chromosomes, it will be able to tell us, with high accuracy, YES or NO, your baby has Down's Syndrome. If yes, then fine...we will be ready and prepared for you and all your needs sweet baby! I believe my anxiousness will subside greatly because I will just KNOW. If not, great, I will be able to relax and have a  healthier frame of mind for the duration of this pregnancy than I'm in now.

Baby #2!

My wise husband put it beautifully yesterday when I was having a hard time pulling it together. He said,"Allie this changes nothing...it's still you and me. We still have Shep and we still have this new baby. Nothing about our family has changed." And he's so right. Thank you Jesus for the gift of life, thank you for medicine that helps us prepare for it, and for friends and family that rally around you when you feel overwhelmed. We are so thankful, and so excited to meet baby Weig #2.